Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Albert part 3

Part 3: Take to to your leader, my teacher has written me up.

As Albert walked into the office, he knew the meeting with the Principal would not go well. The smell of chicken salad was oppressive, and Albert hated chicken salad.

"It was the mayonnaise," Albert thought "I hate that foul greasy substance."

He hated the squishy sound mayo made whenever a knife went into the jar. He hated how mayo wiggled on the knife towards the bread. He hated the way mayo felt like a the stuff that comes out of a roach. He hated mayo Mayo would have made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, if Aridians had hair on the back of the neck. They had gills on the back of their necks, an evolutionary dead end since the planet had no water.

This was always curious to Albert. Gills aren't an easy thing to grow. I mean they are functional, they serve a purpose, not like mankind's appendixes, which just seem to cause pain and explode, potentially killing their owner. With gills, if you ever got to a water planet you could just go for a swim. If you ever got to the planet Mojito you could have lots of fun. Imagine how quickly you would get drunk swimming in the seas of Mojito with gills, each underwater breath drunker and drunker.

At the moment the only thing Albert was swimming in was a cold sweat and the smell of chicken salad.

"So son, you decided that it was a good idea to throw Gobstoppers all over the ground in a class full of foreigners?" the Principal asked.

Albert just sat there. He did not want to discuss how his classmates lunged at his waste product. Sure, they look like Gobstoppers, they even taste like Gobstoppers, for a while...

"Boy, did you hear me?... Oh great...another kid who can't speak the language" The principal yelled.

"Actually, I speak very well. I speak better than you. I certainly read at a higher level. I don't know why you have me in that damn, stupid class. I know more than that class will forget. And that teacher. She yells at kids with comprehension problems like they're deaf kids! And you...CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED. No one wants to see or smell your chicken salad!"

The principals mouth was agape.

"What did I just say about that chicken salad!?" Albert said.

At this point the principal shut his mouth and started fuming. He started chewing the rest of his food like cud and then, grabbed his phone. Albert knew he was calling his parents. He knew his parents would not be happy and would side with this oaf. They would have to, being that they are oafs themselves.

Being surrounded by idiots seems to be Albert's destiny

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