Facial Foliage

Men. Comrades. Brothers-at-arms. Let us take a moment to reflect on a particular gift bestowed upon the XY chromosoned. Can you not recall the longing, while coming up through the ranks of your youth, for that the hairy proclamation of your manhood? Yes, that elusive for some yet glorified by all, facial hair. And what more masculating form of facial hair than the beard? So indulge me as I impart upon you the gift of beard as well as the gifts that the beard have to offer.

One of the most instant of the beard's gifts is the inclusion into a new sect of manhood. This is for better and for worse. The better you ask? The rugged, mountain man class of man. What is more manly than someone that lives on the land, alone in the mountains,usually cold, living off of that land? And what is more of a staple to the mountain man stereotype than a large, healthy beard? However,there seems to be a delicate balance between the unkempt appearance of a man's beard that is grown in relation to being without the modern conveniences of facial hair upkeep technology and individuals that just don't have access to those conveniences, whether by choice or by fate.We are talking of course about the homeless. Shame defines the man that comes down from the mountain and is thrown in with the homeless lot due to his beard. Beard segregation is after all the worst segregation imaginable. But the wise man knows how to use his beard to his advantage. Those uncomfortable solicitations for spare change can be eliminated almost completely. Homeless people don't really ask other homeless people, or people that might appear to be homeless, for money.

Beards have an economic advantage as well. First, the average man can easily spend almost $200 annually on shaving creams, razors and aftershave.With all that money saved by not having to shave you can spend it on your hedgehog, new axe handles or little pine tree air fresheners.Not only are you saving money, but you are saving time. With the extra minutes you save every morning, you can sleep in a little or make extra bacon for breakfast. And bacon is even more enjoyable while stroking your beard and reflecting on the wonder of bacon.

Still not convinced that the beard is the way to go? Well, look no further than to the founding fathers of beard. Chuck Norris, Paul Bunyon and Abraham Lincoln to name a few. All respectable men with respectable beards. Maybe Emancipation Proclamation would have never happened had Old Abe not had the confidence boosting and awe inspiring beard. And is the Lincoln Monument not one of the most visited treasures of D.C. where millions of people from all nationalities flock to gaze on the beard that won the south?

And let's not forget the age altering abilities of the beard. For younger sporters of the beard, the magnificent accumulation of facial hair has the effect of making you look older. Maybe this is due to the fact that it hides those embarrassing, age foretelling acne outbreaks. But probably because no one wants to insult a beard wearer by asking them their age and making them angry. And what about the older gentleman that joins the ranks of beard growers? Well, the beard seems to have the opposite effect on this age group. The facial hair acts as a mask that hides the tolls of age such as scars and wrinkles. All hail the power of the beard.So in the time that it has taken you to read about this small, meager sampling of the benefits of the beard your body has naturally chosen the best option for your face. Let your body do what is natural, grow that beard and show the world what it means to be man!