Cokahol

I had dinner with Courtney Love the other day, and she told me that anybody who couldn't finish off a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of two-worm mezcal is a pussy. Of course this is right before she vomited the rest of Kurt Cobain's soul onto my lap and passed out on the floor under the table. Now this might seem like a dick thing for her to do, but when you think about it, it's kinda comforting: The first of our generation's best loved to go was not a cokaholic!

Speaking of cokahol, a young man looking about 14 bought some Spark's fine malt caffeinated liquor from a mega store, and the till didn't prompt the cashier to check for his ID. The guy had to do a double take at the Sparks to make sure it was really Sparks before asking the kid for his license. Turns out he was either old enough to buy the worst thing for your health ever, or there is a really young looking adult out there somewhere looking for his ID. This chapter in the young man's life had a happy ending, I just hope the kid doesn't end up vomiting blood and consuming the souls of brilliant musicians someday because of the horror that is wrought upon a liver by the mixture of excessive alcohol, excessive guarana, taurine, ginseng, and copious quantities of caffeine. It would be far better for him to get an Oscar for best supporting actress in his role as the romantic interest of a dreamboat actor, shoot perhaps the best rendering of a super villain ever, and then die quietly in his sleep. But still that is always such a letdown.

And does anybody know what taurine actually does? I think it's really a just a conspiracy to make energy drinks seem better. I bet Red Bull invented an artificial flavoring that was so awful they called it T.A.-urine and later shortened it and pretended it kept you awake. I wonder if energy drinks are gateway-drugs to coke. Maybe someday I'll be a celebrity cokaholic. I better make sure I find a reliable cokahol dealer!

Why do the really insane drug abusing chicks always outlast the geniuses? Where can I get this outfit?
Original site for the pic: http://justjared.buzznet.com/2007/11/20/heath-ledger-rainbow-bright/