Why Jack

Women are cats

So it is time for the long waited part two of Men are Dogs. We shall call it "Women are Cats"

"Wow creative title," you say.

Remember we are known for content here at A.B.S. not clever titles. We desire lasting glory not short-term fame. Last time we discussed why men, women, cats, and dogs make mistakes. Now we will discuss...wait we can't give a way the punch line up front.

"Orange you glad I didn't say banana... Knock, knock. Wait I did that wrong." That is not how we roll. Meandering aimlessly is more our style.

So here is the question. Who does a cat want to pet it? The cat wants to be petted by who the cat wants to pet it. When does the cat want to be petted? The cat wants to be petted when it wants to be petted. I didn't really answer either of those questions, I know, but they are questions that can not be answered by mankind. They are mysteries.

By now you should know where this is going and you should be nodding your head in agreement. You should also be preparing cleaver comments and telling your friends all about how great this blog is and how they should read it daily. Onto the obvious.

Now, Whom does a woman want to be rubbed by? A woman wants to be rubbed by whom the woman wants to be rubbed by. When does a woman want to be rubbed? A woman wants to be rubbed when a woman wants to be rubbed. The woman is discriminate. That is evolutionary biology and territoriality speaking. This is my land and I must protect it. There is also the if you see me and can't touch me you want me more. The tactics of cats and woman are survival and desire based both fear and control in the same action of selective petting.

Neither man nor dog care who is rubbing them. They want to be rubbed all the time by everyone. They are not discriminate. They just want to be rubbed. This also comes from the agricultural concept of broadcasting, throw your seed as far and wide as possible and it will find fertile ground.

Oh yeah, "rubbing" and "petting" refer to sex, if you weren't picking up the subtly. And seed, that would be semen. Fertile ground would be a womb, in which a sperm and an egg could join and grow into a child.

Actually this whole series of blogs is an extended metaphor where I compare Cats to Women and Dogs to Men.

I hope this clears up any confusion.

K Tuttle

Men are dogs

For those of you who know me you have undoubtedly heard this argument before, but it has been a slow week intellectually for me, so I'll rehash some old idea. 

Apparently blogging is like being a sit-com writer, except we get to be funny.

Now what is this old idea you ask? It is simple and time tested. Women are like cats men are like dogs.

“Wow that is profound” you think. “Good work next you're going to be telling us the sky is like blue and the ground is like hard, jackass.” Wait, wait, it's not the theory that is good, it's the examples. They are funny and I tell them "with such enthusiasm," to quote a Mr. Conn.

So here we go.

Why does a cat crap on the floor? No one knows. It could be because you changed its cat food, or you didn’t chance it’s kitty litter. There is a chance it *crapped on the new rug because 3 weeks ago when you were doing your taxes it wanted attention jumped on all your paperwork and rashly you threw it to the ground. You might have a guess at what the cause is but you never really know do you.

Why does a dog crap on the floor? You didn’t let it out. That’s about it.

Now women are like cats here, if they are mad you never really know why. It is a great cosmic mystery. You came home late 3 weeks ago? Nope that’s not it. “You should know what you did” they say. The cats message of mystery on the carpet is the same thing. “I’m pisssed now you have to figure out to make it better or I will start pissing all over your shoes.” There is nothing you can do about either except behave and put up with the shit that is amply provided.

Why is a man mad. Most likely because you didn’t let him out, with his friends, for a beer or nine.

He, like a dog, is simple minded. That is not to say stupid. If a dog sees food out it thinks. “Huh food and I’m hungryYOOMMP YOOMMP. Hey I’m not hungry any more.” That is simple. He is not thinking about the dinner plans at 7pm with the parents. He’s hungry and need nourishment. Eating when your hungry is not stupid. 

Men and dogs are not stupid, they are inconsiderate. Consideration is NOT a natural thought process for the simple mind of man and dog.

So this is part one of three. I’m making it three parts for two reasons. One I get to make multiple post about one topic. easy. Secondly 350-450 words seem to be about the right length for these things. So I ask you the reader for some feedback.

Did you like the older longer post? Do you like frequent short posts. Hit up the comment box or email me at  theitzzle@gmail.com.

Not that I’m going to listen. 

Anarchist don't take orders.

K Tuttle.