Monday, March 9, 2009

The Best Monkey

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. All virtuous qualities that make saintly monkeys. But is there not a monkey that is more pure in the trio? After completing complex flow charts and crunching numbers in formulas more mind boggling than infinity, I am prepared to unveil to you the answer: yes.

We will use pornography as the "evil", assuming that you are of the persuasion to believe that porn is the refuge of sinners and not lonely bachelors. Poor guys. So two monkeys can watch porn. The speak no evil monkey can watch porn with no problems. The hear no evil monkey can watch porn as long as it is on mute. So both of those monkeys can watch porn. Lucky monkeys. But the see no evil monkey cannot, obviously, watch porn. And neither the speak no evil nor hear no evil monkey can tell the see no evil monkey what they saw, because they can neither speak nor hear evil.

Therefore, the see no evil monkey is really the best little monkey. Although he will probably snap from pent up sexual rage. Mothers beware. Have you ever seen a horny monkey? A blind horny monkey to boot. I mean, that is like a monkey with no discretion! That monkey will hump anything. And now you know which monkey is humping the football.

-E.G. McMillan

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