Friday, June 27, 2008

Conspiracies are fun!

I love conspiracies. I love how people tie the thinnest shred of circumstantial evidence and build a world altering theory. Here are some of my favorites.

1. The United States never landed on the moon.

2. The Mob killed J.F.K.

3. The ball was juiced in the 90’s causing more Home Runs.

4. Freemasons run the world.

5. The NBA rigs games for ratings. Wait, Tim Donaghe just confirmed that.

Creating something with a life of it’s own seems fun. Assuming it’s not a kid you’re creating. I have no real prospect for immortality at the moment, so I have decided to throw my hat into the conspiracy ring to create my legacy.

But where does one start when creating a conspiracy? What are the key elements of a conspiracy? Have all the good conspiracies been found? Can I set a record for using the word “conspiracy” in a paragraph? Focus K Tuttle, this is your legacy you are creating.

Where was I? Right, defining elements of a conspiracy

1. A conspiracy must be a cultural touchstone.

2. A conspiracy must to have mysterious elements.

3. Someone must gain from the deception.

So where does that leave us? What could I possible create that would be worthy of my greatness? It has to be super juicy and believable. How about this, Sean Combs killed Biggie. Think about it. Who has gained more from his death?

Certainly not Tu-Pac. All he gained was a couple hundred shells to the face.

Not Suge Knight. He lost the reins to an empire.

But P. Diddy, he got everything. He was never even under suspicion because he was “so close”. His biggest hit was “I’ll be missing you” an ode to his fallen friend. It couldn’t possibly be him. Right

He got all the power, all the fame, all the producing gigs, and all the doggy style sex with J. Lo. All that and clothing line to boot.

I like this one. It has legs. It could last a good long time. I can see potheads arguing about this between bong rips. Now I know you all have Internet access and free time at work. We need to find some cooberating evidence to firm this thing up.

Get to work my A.B.S. minions.

Help me create my legacy!

K. Tuttle

1 comment:

Chris said...

I find it rather odd that Sean Combs just "happened" to be in a diffrent car at the time of the shooting. And, he was in the car in FRONT of Smalls... makes a rather easy get a way if need be... Hummmmmm