Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Brent Musberger: Hope for Redemption.

Wow, did you see that title? Man, that is a good title. It sounds all hopeful and sophisticated. Where did that come from? I am not sophisticated. I am also not forgiving. 

I wrote the list about 3 years ago. Some things have changed, some have not, and one person has done the unthinkable. Brent has come close to redeeming himself. 

Now, some of you are sitting out there wondering what Brent has done to me. You have clearly not watched many football games. 

He has ruined every football game he has announced. 

He does it subtlety. He chats though plays. He will be talking about some mundane thing while the players are busting their butts on the field “Oh yeah, Gary, last night we had the most wonderful dinner, we had these sandwiches. Oh brother, these sandwiches had to be, what would you say Gary, six inches tall… and it looks like Florida State picked up that 3rd and 12 with a double reverse pass back to the quarterback. Now, back to the sandwich we got last….” That is so annoying, but this scenario does happen less and less these days. Partly because he’s been working with “dreamy” Kirk Herbstreet, who keeps Brent focused on the game, but mostly because Florida State has not converted a third and twelve in years. 

Ha-ha. Take that, Rusty, Poo Poo Drew, Jamie, Ryan, Rhino, Sideburns and all you FSU fans. In your face. 

Now, back to how Brent no longer needs to die. 

Where was I? Oh yeah, he has stopped missing plays. He has also reduced the number of plays he decided were going to be exciting before the snap, ignoring context or momentum. 

Collage football is about momentum. Musbeger would ignore “the mo” and call the game as he wants it to be, making a 2-yard run into the pile sound like the play of the day, and reducing a huge play into an understated mess while the crowd loses its mind. That is really annoying by the way. 

But wait, there’s more and this maybe the Coup de Grace.

He openly roots for Michigan, when HE WENT TO NORTHWESTERN. 

This is so clearly wrong it does not bear explanation and I am trying to keep this post to 400 words and also trying to prove Brent DOES NOT need to die. If I get into the details of Brent rooting for Michigan (my least favorite program) while being a Northwestern grad, I will buy a rattlesnake, freeze the rattlesnake and beat Musberger to death with a frozen rattlesnake. 

Wow, I have now used rattlesnake in 4 consecutive clauses, 3 of which were in a run-on sentence. I really need an editor. 

Just to be clear, Brent really should die. Just because of the Michigan thing. 

I tried. I really did, but some things are just set in stone. My hatred for Brent is one of them.

K Tuttle.

1 comment:

Matt said...

Don't forget about his undying [gay] love for Danny Almonte and the "Bronx Baby Bombers." That guy refused to use a completely valid pronoun that entire damn tournament and assisted on saying "Bronx Baby Bombers" until his head [weiner] exploded.