"Guns" is Back

So now that the three-part nightmare is over I can now move on to a new topic. But before I do I just want to go on record, 450 to 550 words is going to be the typical length of my posts. I cannot restrict Mr. Hurst or Mr. McMillan to that number, but I will try and keep it short.

Brevity is the soul of wit, they say. Now onto the wit.

So we here at A.B.S. were talking about our adolescent passion of "Guns" and decided that is ripe for an adulthood revamp. Now some of you might be thinking "But paintball is the adult version of guns."

No it's not. Once again reader, you are wrong.

Paintball is a bastion of nerds who weren't good at real sports. They then invented a game to physically abuse real athletes. Way to invent D’N”D for Boy Scouts. There is also the point that its is more along the lines of capture the flag.

The beauty of Guns is that the same game could be played every day and you had super awesome toy guns. Toy guns that were so realistic they don't sell them anymore.

This is not one of those "Remember the good old days when you were young and we had it so good" posts. We don't do that here. Any nostalgia is purely on your part. We were just reminding you of how it was played, so when you see the updated rules you would not be lost

Oh, yeah that is what we are doing. We are updating Guns for the office.

First Rule - No Guns Real or Fake.

Don't complain. We have to look at this practically. Adults cannot point guns at each other without police coming. To avoid getting actually shot we will have to go with the classic finger gun. On the plus side you always have your gun with you and you have unlimited bullets.

Second Rule – ”Commando" accuracy.

You know the classic Arnold movie where hundreds of men could not hit our hero but one of his bullets kills 15 of them. Yeah. It’s like this here except we are all Arnold. To get a kill you need to make physical contact with the enemy and say bang. There will be no across the parking lot kills unless…

Third Rule - Cell Phone Sniper Shots.

I love this rule. It really brings the game up to date. You watch someone from a reasonable distance without being seen, once they flick their hair or pick there nose or something noticeable…BANG. You call them and tell them of the kill. HAHAHA-HAHAHA-HAHAHA….AH…HAHAHA. Man, that is so mean and sneaky. Hehee. I get giddy just thinking about it.

Fourth Rule - Unlimited contact, No time outs.

If you see the enemy at restaurant with his family sneak up on him shoot him in the head and say " A dead man doesn't need a steak" Cut yourself a bite, eat it slowly, take a long sip of his drink, wipe your face with his napkin and walk away. There is no limit but your imagination and gall.

Fifth Rule - Context (This rule contradicts the last one. I’m ok with that.)

You have to know where you are. Funeral for a drive by gunshot victim is not the place for "Guns." Customers should not see you play "Guns." But then again maybe those are exactly the places you and your crew should play. I don' t know where you work. Find an arbitrator, some one fair, unbiased and cruel to deicide if a kill is fair.

I think these make for a good foundation to the game. Feel free to add your own comments or email me at thetizzle@gmail.com.

Oh yeah car keys make great grenades.

K Tuttle