Your ass or mine?

Now that we are all familiar with what defines our bodies of water, let’s move on to the most glorious of the “beasts of burden”, the donkey. So what is the difference between a donkey, a burro, a mule and a jackass. I know what you are thinking as you expel that sigh of relief, “finally, someone to champion the issues that matter most to me.”

So let’s get right down to it. A donkey is the domesticated version of the Wild African Ass. And I am not talking about the wild African ass you saw on some rap video that gyrates more than a bowl of Jello on a California bridge. The term ass derived from Equus Asinus, is sometimes used to refer to the larger, horse sized version of the donkey while donkey is mostly used to refer to the pony sized breed.

That takes us to the Burro. Maybe you think that “burro” is just the Spanish word for Donkey. You are mostly right. But burro is often used to refer to the smaller Mexican version of the donkey which is different from the larger European varieties of the donkey.

What is a mule then, you ask? A mule is the offspring of a jack, the term used to refer to a male donkey, and a mare, or female horse. The reverse gender mating results in a hinny instead of a mule. Hinnies are more rare because male horses have standards and explains why you are not familiar with the term.

Then what is a jackass you ask? Many of you might answer that question by listing the contributors to this blog. And while you might be correct when using the derivative of the term, that usage does not help us determine the specific labeling of donkeys. And that, need I remind you, is what we are doing here. Jack, as I have previously cited, is the term used when referring to a male donkey. So jackass is simply a male donkey. Conversely, a female donkey is called a jenny. I guess you could also say Jennyass, but let’s leave J-Lo out of this. And just to round out your schooling, offspring under the age of one year are called foals. A male foal is a colt and a female, a filly.

So there you have it. But wait, there is more. It is more ass you want, and it is more ass you shall have. The horse isn’t the only animal to make the mistake of dabbling with the black sheep of the equine family. But we all know how sometimes you just gotta get some ass. Who else, besides freaky sex shows south of the border, have been known to associate with the donkey? The zebra. Yes, the zebra donkey joins the ranks of the liger and the tigon and is commonly referred to as the zonkey, zebrass and the zedonk.

And now that your schooling is complete, no one should ever be able to say that you cannot tell your ass from a hole in the ground. Class dismissed.