Holiday Medley

Valentine's Day is easily my least favorite holiday. No, it’s not because I’m single and bitter. Bitter happens to be my worldview. My mother referred to me as a curmudgeon boy and I’m living up to her expectations. How many of you can say that?

But today I’m going to do something different. I am not going to rail against a holiday that is generated by the flower and greeting card industries. No, I am going to tell you of the things I love about various Holidays.

We’ll start with the good points to yesterday’s awfulness and go through the calendar.

Valentines Day
Children’s cards
You know the ones with the current movie or children’s show that you would get in you glitter covered valentines bag after lunch? Yeah, I hated that. Even if I got out of schoolwork and got candy. The cards though are great. I'm planning on buying three boxes today to hand out at random times through out the year and suggest you do the same. For random humor they are solid gold, so full of the 3rd grade puns I love so much. They never disappoint.

Easter
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Eggs
Oh My God. These are so much better that regular Reese’s cups and those are my 3rd favorite candy. (Nerds and Sugar Daddy’s are 2 and 1) I love Peanut Butter Eggs. They make Easter my favorite holiday. I know there is the whole Jesus resurrection thing, and for that I am eternally grateful, but the Peanut Butter Eggs are only around for like 1 month a year. I’ll have all eternity to thank Jesus. Let’s have a little perspective here people.

There is nothing I like about the fake holidays of, Presidents Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Fathers Day, Labor Day, or Memorial Day. I work at a hotel. They do me no good.

I have never gotten Mothers Day right and fear I never will. I would say it is a secret shame but anyone who knows the Tuttle clan know we suck at mother’s day. Sorry Mom.

The Fourth of July
You Grill out food, drink beer, and blow stuff up.
There is a bit of jingoism here, but it is the birth of our country. So sing the National Anthem in English, pass me a Bud Light, and lets BLOW SHIT UP! WOOO-HOO!

Halloween
Girls in Catsuits and Kitty outfits.
Oh sweet Georgia Brown. It’s so nice ladies. Please don’t stop. Ever.

Thanksgiving
Pumpkin Pie
Just so you have some idea how much I love pumpkin pie, I want pumpkin pie as my Grooms cake. I know it is not a cake. I also know that things like that aren’t really my decision. I want two things at my theoretical wedding, Karaoke and Pumpkin Pie. I don’t even need a bride, just pie.

Christmas
Cosby Sweaters
Is there anything better than an eighty-year-old man with a Cosby Christmas sweater. It’s like looking at the rings of a tree, every color and obnoxious pattern representing one year of life. Match that with some red or green slacks and Egg Nog and you have pure joy

So there it is, the things I love about the Holidays.

All of them

K Tuttle.